Sending a man to war, shattering that man’s mind and body
with the trauma of war, and then painting that man when he returns—this feels a
bit witchy.
It is more than an ex-president’s book
deal.
I want to commission some academic
to study the rebranding of George W. Bush. The way he empowers himself by
painting men irreversibly harmed by his folly—he’s like some sort of Texan blood
cult priest.
It would make a good HP Lovecraft
story or a compelling X-Files episode if it weren’t the quotidian bullshit of
celebrity culture and tragedy branding.
And now for my perversity: Sunday, there is group singing
across the street at the church. I sit at this desk and wait for my notepad
holder to arrive by Amazon Prime. I type, slowly, on an essay that is more or
less about how I don’t think God actually loves me, or people, which is a
ridiculous query.
The notepad holder is a symbol of
the industrious note taker I will become, which is itself a part of the picture
of my success in this or that professional / personal capacity.
But I have always been an excellent
note taker. What am I not is a finisher,
a doer, a completer.
A discovery: being at a play feels like reading. Why doesn't
a movie feel this way? Because of the quick cuts, the camera changes, the way
we’re not allowed to focus on anything for long enough to actually think about it.
Also maybe the sense of smell.
