Hits from Dee Dee Ramone’s Autobiography, Poison Heart

1.     On being in a rehabilitation center: “That was fucked up. They also made me play volleyball. It was a nightmare.”


2.     On quitting the Ramones: “By then I was having a lot of fantasies about jobs […] so I could quit the Ramones. Like being a doorman or a candy store owner, or having a hot dog stand.”


3.     About living by an old graveyard: “Once I went down there to get a loose brick and a dead person’s hand fell out of the hole where the brick had been […] the hand was all bone, but a gold and diamond ring was on its finger […] it must’ve been worth two and a half carats […] the money I got for it at the pawn shop kept me in dope and hostess cupcakes for months.”


4.     On Joey the Artist: “Once Joey bought some fruit and vegetables at the grocery store and used them to do a painting. He churned them in the blender and painted with them—you could either look at the painting or eat it.


5.     On End of the Century: “I still have no idea how [Phil Spector and the Ramones] finished End of the Century, or who actually played bass on it.”  

Horseshit Ideas

I propose idea for a million dollars number five, Joyce's Choices. 

Joyce's Choices, a brand of generic food products that comes with a list of things I wish I could cook or bake would have known now if I'd made wiser choices while living with people who were handy in the kitchen.

Exmpl: Joyce's Choice's brand Molasses would read, "Pretty sure you can make cookies with this brown slime. A guy I used to drink on a roof with must've used molasses  in those sugar cookies he burned every Wednesday, but I was younger then -- too busy throwing shoes on the telephone pole or screaming into my pillow or trying to kill God with my diary."

The previous four ideas worth a million are as follows.

1. I Wish I Could Cook That: a baking show for the inept, features Joyce's Choices products.
2. Leftovers: a restaurant that only serves leftovers from other restaurants.  
3. Emotional Sunrise Tea: a tea that makes you erupt into tears after a single sip, leaves you feeling decent and clean, emotionally cleared up. 

I thought I could remember them all but I cannot.